HOPE FLOATS

"For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been.'"
John Greenleaf Whittier

Sadder still "it may still be" when hope should have been drowned long ago...

There is something magical about the buoyant quality of salty ocean water.

Buoyancy is an upward force equal to the weight of water displaced by an object. Objects in salt water appear more buoyant than objects in fresh water because salt water is denser than fresh water. SALT.

The freedom of simply floating on one's back. Cradles by the warm, salty water and gently rocked by the waves.

In that moment I held in my heart a sense of buoyant hope. Hope floats, you see.

Today there are moments when I wish I could drown my hope. It stubbornly rises to the surface. Persistent as my breath.

Hope floats. Apparently cheerfully buoyant. Resistant to the nagging reality of the situation or the heavy weight of the factual evidence and experience at hand.

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it."
Helen Keller

Is it possible to suffer from persistent, illegitimate hope?

There is an African proverb that goes something like: however long the night, the dawn will break. This is the thinking that rationalizes my floating hope.

How long does one wait for the sun to reappear? How many months? If only my hope had a sense of ordinary time. Hope is epically patient.

"We enjoy warmth because we have been cold. We appreciate light because we have been in darkness. By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness."
David Weatherford

And when the joy arrives, as the eagerly anticipated rains after a long drought, the contrast allows for a deeper sense of appreciation for what was, what is and what might still be...HOPE.

What do you hope for?
Is there anything that might have been still lingering in your heart?

PLENTY

Plenty. The feeling that one has enough.

A state of contentment mingled with satisfaction and a serving of gratitude.

In my gratitude journal each night I log the items that I reflect upon with utter appreciation. This evening's list includes...

I am grateful for:
runs watching the sunrise
long bayside walks with my dear friend
trying out our new bocce ball set
listening to my daughter laugh
technological improvements and kind, gentle help
feeling beautiful from the inside out
harmless flirtations
cartwheels and handstands on the grass at sunset
warm, snuggly animal friends
good books and bubble baths

But there could be so much more. Today I went on a long morning walk to reconnect with my dear friend. And rather than sped this precious time dwelling on where we've been, what will happen, what we want, what we might become, what we've said and done - a first - I was able to remain in inquiry mode and simply remain present.

A small triumph. Baby steps.

I enjoyed our walk, (with I might happily add a limited nod to non sequiturs), and held my mind gracefully trained upon us, our current state and reminding myself that right now this is plenty.

I have stopped the cycle of wanting and suffering. I am surrendering to what is. Just in this moment. And the glorious freedom that comes with the knowledge that each moment holds the possibility of change...HOPE.

This is enough. I have enough. In this moment, this is what we have and this is plenty.

And then I proceeded with my day.

And this day has been just right. Because in this moment I am free from my expectations of what might or might not be. I am enough. I have enough.

Plenty.

I feel myself peering over the edge every now and then. Looking down upon the landscape of what might be, what could be, what I would love to be...but for now I am somehow strong enough to resist the urge to follow that path. I have plenty of strength. Please let me continue to have plenty of strength.

There is vast power in not knowing. It is the freedom and the choices we make during these opportunity gaps. I choose to remain present and strong. I have plenty.

What do you have plenty of?


P.S. Thank you for your patience as I make some exciting technical updates...images and blog posts will return to their regular, predictable schedule over the next few days! Stay tuned.

SPARKS

“Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.” Ayn Rand

I am grateful for these words today. I will hold tightly to each of my "irreplaceable sparks!"

What are you grateful for?

UGLINESS

The rain fell gently.
Enormous drops, timed as though the sky were opening. Shedding heavy tears. Pregnant with the weight of accumulated emotion.

On a balmy, summer night, accompanied by intermittent showers, I watched eagerly as the tale of Shakespeare's Cyrano de Bergerac unfolded before me at The Old Globe's outdoor theatre.

There is something truly magical about entertainment of any form outdoors, under the stars. Perfect timing! Could it be the stray moth fluttering across the stage lights or the unexpected tickle of a raindrop?

While most of us lack Cyrano's blaring protuberance, we each travel with what we believe to be our own unlovable aspects of ourselves. These facets may be less immediately visible than Cyrano's extraordinary nose, but they present equally treacherous obstacles between us and the achievement of our authentic happiness.

I watched as Cyrano confidently conquered his adversaries with his delightful combination of wit and words. All the while, he hid his talents behind the mask of what he believed to be the idyllic, handsome figure. Cyrano repackaged himself.

I was reminded that each of us feels a secret longing for acceptance and love. Someone who will love even those parts of ourselves that we view to be glaring imperfections, unlovable features that we struggle to live and accept ourselves. We ache for the day when someone is willing to love us because of our humanness and beyond even our own expectations.

Granting Wishes

For a time we find ourselves frivolously tossing coins and wishes into fountains - reckless of what we ask for and how it might be granted. If we're fortunate, there will come a time when we find a genuine wish, our heart's true desire that requires a patient, thoughtful, focused gesture. Let us honor the intrinsic beauty cradled precariously within this hope.

"...have you ever noticed that there are people who do things which are most indelicate, and yet at the same time--beautiful?"E. M. Forster, A Room With A View

Tact and fear have a habit of tightening the reins on the natural strength and beauty of our emotions.

"Through the whirlwind which your eyes stir up inside me. But now, in this blessed darkness, I feel I am speaking to you for the first time."- Edmond Rostand, Cyrano de Bergerac, Act 3

Blessed darkness may take the form of lengthy emails. A format in which a trusting heart blossoms with the latent force of conversations yet unopened. Oh, the possibilities that lie restless and awake as darkness descends upon the park! In the silent stillness I feel a rising tide, filled with all the words left unspoken, now gushing forth, aching to flow freely upon your eager ears.

"You're a genuinely good man. There aren't many of you left."- Edmond Rostand, Cyrano de Bergerac, Act 2

May we each find peace, happiness and love - abundant and true. I have faith that this too will all work out even better than we ever could have imagined.