NON SEQUITURS UNITE

MY NEW BLOG!

2011-04-07T23:18:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

Please visit my new blog, affiliated directly with my website at:

http://www.cleashannon.com/blog/

I look forward to seeing you there and hearing your comments on the new format!

Make it a great day!

THANKSGIVING EVERY DAY

2010-11-04T00:31:00.001-07:00

“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.” Cicero

On the 1st of November we begin our annual tradition - creating a month filled to overflowing with daily thanks.

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
Melodie Beattie

Everyone who sets foot in our home has the opportunity to share a gratitude - large or small. A token of the many overlooked and underappreciated simple pleasures that we take for granted each and every moment. Why postpone the thanks and cram it all into one day Instead we choose to spend the entire month of November lavishing gratitude on those around us.

On Thanksgiving Day we pass the gratitude bowl around our table. Everyone pulls a thankful note and reads aloud the anonymous gratitudes we've gathered throughout the days of November. It's become one of our favorite and most cherished traditions!

This year I've chosen to let the gratitude swell behind our home and our small bowl. Each day I will post a gratitude to my Facebook status. I’m eager to watch the thankfulness I share grow and thrive.

Will you join me?

Post a single gratitude a day as your Facebook status…perhaps it will shift the direction of someone else’s post towards thankfulness. Gratitude is contagious!

” Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."
Marcel Proust

BELIEVE

2010-09-25T18:59:00.001-07:00

"To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe."
Toby Reynolds

"If you really want something to happen, the whole universe conspires so that your wish comes true." <em>The Alchemist</em> Paulo Coelho

EQUINOX

2010-09-22T14:43:00.001-07:00

Fall arrives today with its colorful crispness, its cornucopia of richly harvested flavors, reminding us of the bounty we have to celebrate.

A certain sweet sadness arrives with Fall. The lingering warmth, the longer days. The changes draw our attention to the contrast of winter already on its way.

Rich gem colored tones of sunset and leaves, delicious baked-in, wood-smoke smells, audible crunch of leaves under foot, crafty exploration of All Hallows’ Eve costumes, earthy messiness of pumpkin carving, sharing family traditions, founding new ones…

I am eagerly anticipating the glory of Fall! What do you look forward to?

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GARGLE

2010-09-21T20:06:00.001-07:00

“Some people drink deeply from the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.” Bright, Grant M.

What an absolute pleasure to share an exchange with someone capable of synthesizing, applying and actively participating. A rich dialogue. A willingness to engage, to risk opinions, to gain understanding.

When was the last time you made time for such a conversation?

KNOWN

2010-09-12T17:21:00.000-07:00

"Not being known doesn't stop the truth from being true." Richard Bach

Each one of us holds a great yearning to be known. An intrinsic desire to be completely absorbed by another. Not assimilated or even understood. Simply heard and accepted.

We must first know ourselves thoroughly in order to share this gift with another. And in the process of sharing our knowledge the reciprocal can occurs. This is not always the case, but the opportunity exists! Sometimes we are so eager in our own effort to be known and revealed that we neglect to allow the reverse to happen as it naturally will. Effortlessly.

How well do we know those around us? Do we hesitate to hold the conversations that will allow this knowledge to be shared? Is our priority in the knowing or the being known or in the process of this rich exchange?

Prerequisites. Is it necessary for us to be open to the point of being willing to know another as much as we know ourselves in order to be known? A willingness to know another deeply and at times utterly painfully. A shared experience that holds the possibility to be sublimely liberating and glorious.

What we choose to with do with this knowledge changes everything.

There is such rich opportunity in this uncharted territory. For forgiveness, acceptance and love to blossom and thrive.

Do you know what it's like to be truly known? And to know another?

INVOLUNTARY

2010-09-10T18:26:00.001-07:00

“Closer is He than breathing, and nearer than hands and feet.”
Alfred Lord Tennyson

Fascinating the involuntary response that is our body’s breath. The gentle, irresistible action that tugs and releases the air within us in and out of life each instant.

Without the least bit of help from us, this mysterious system defies our bidding, escalating with our emotions and triggering cascades of internal responses to which incapable of granting either permission or disapproval.

Beneath the surface our breath operates continuously. Only when we try to cage it, holding our breath in, silent, does it become fierce and noticeable.

Through each and every moment our breath accompanies us: silent, steadfast, loyal.

Yet while we rarely acknowledge its constant presence, breath is the only involuntary response over which we have any direct control. For what purpose I wonder?

With the practice of pranayama I have witnessed the direct correlation between breath, body and mind. My own serene stillness at the end of a series of long, deep, satisfying breaths or a series of Nadi Sodhanai . My restless energy fueled by Kapalabhati. The steady, open-mouthed chill of Shitali.

And the times when my breath is illusive, sharply reminding me of its own free will. The jagged roughness at the end of wind-sprints. The intensity of inhale corroborating with an unexpected touch or thought.

Gentle reminders that the breath is ours up to a point. The mystery remains regardless of what science can explain.

What is the quality of your breath in this very moment? It’s texture, length, taste, sound?

Subtle changes. What does our awareness shift in the qualities of our breath and the quality of our experience?

TRANSPARENCY

2010-09-09T12:32:00.000-07:00

There is a glorious and highly valuable quality in transparency. A sublte, lost art.

The ability to roll down the tinted windows that we cruise through our daily lives safely, discretely hidden behind. Remove the mask and reveal the delicate, authentic truths that we so seldom find the appropriate time, person and space to share. A cherished glimpse of a rarely seen private collection of memories, stories, dreams.

Tact and selectivity serve real purpose in our daily lives. It is the truth that perhaps even now some share openly, honestly and completely innappropriately.

Then in the darkest hours or the quietest of places. Tucked in among intimate conversations. A perfect ratio of volume, temperature, proximity and company allow for candid, forthright revelations. A steady, articulate unveiling of truths and experiences. Liberation.

What a glorious, radiant thrill! The art of the timely reveal. As elegant and demure as the curve of skin from beneath cloth. Just a hint....

What would you unveil?

IN MY HANDS

2010-09-07T20:09:00.000-07:00

If I could only hold this moment in my hands. I would bury it away. Secretly stored in a pocket. So that I could stumble across it many months from now and remember, instantly, the feeling of now.

Even the little time I've taken to think this thought has removed me just that much from this time, this feeling. Distance.

If I could only hold this moment in my hands...I might stockpile happy little memories, like a diligant fury creature busily hoarding treats for the cold winter months ahead.

I'd stash this one away and hope to pull it gently from the wash, tattered and softened, full of the scent of now.

Which moments would you tuck away for a rainy day?

MOM KNOWS BEST

2010-09-07T20:08:00.001-07:00

via FrenchByDesign * on Pinterest

Love this! Thanks to pinterest.com and Holiday Matinee for the reminder.

LOVE GUIDES

2010-08-22T12:55:00.000-07:00

Let love guide our choices. Not fear.

Each time I find myself thinking, "I'm afraid that..." I realize that I am allowing fear to influence my actions.

Someday, in the near or distant future, I will look back and wish I'd taken the risk.

How many times have you thought, I wish I had...

A healthy respect for the consequences of our actions and decisions is responsible.

Is a life lived without risk - of injury, of heartbreak, of failure - a life worth living?

I will fail, I will love and lose, I will stumble and hiccup and along the way I will live voraciously, love deeply and sincerely and live authentically. And all of this will smply pave the way for when I shine, I thrive and everything works out even better than I ever could have imagined.

Even with Mercury in retrograde, that day is here. That time is now.

What will you dare to risk?

UP

2010-08-19T13:13:00.000-07:00

"You'll never find rainbows if you're looking down."
Charlie Chaplin

I have so many choices in a day. So many opportunities to lift my gaze and let it linger on all that I have...thank you for the reminder, Charlie.

One of my favorite San Diego summer events happens this Monday and it's FREE!

The Spreckels Organ Society's
International Summer Organ Festival
Movie Night with Dennis James
Monday, August 23, 7:30 PM
Yankee Clipper

Synopsis:
Deceit, treachery, and romance are combined in this depiction of a fierce race from China to New England between the American ship Yankee Clipper and the English ship Lord of the Isles.
Silent, 1927
Starring: William Boyd, Elinor Fair, Frank "Junior" Coghlan, John Miljan, Walter Long

GRAPE IS HEAVEN

2010-08-18T17:48:00.001-07:00

Summer is the time for cold, sweet treats.

We experimented with fresh pressed juices and popsicle molds...lemonade, orange, grape.

Clean, bold stripes of delicious frozen colors.

The chilled colors feel brighter, lighter, crisper to match the intense chilled flavors.

"Grape is heaven."

What sweet frozen flavors delight your taste buds at the end of a long, hot day?

BEE GONE

2010-08-18T10:05:00.000-07:00

Searching for the deeper meaning of life experiences...

Girl meditating beneath a tree stung by a bee. Sounds like a tabloid headline. So reads the synopsis of my afternoon.

Bees are considered divine messengers. What does this mean?

I was simply trying to follow my goal:
meditating on the finality of letting go. Releasing struggle. This was it. A ritual to signify the final goodbye.

Answers arrive. Sometimes in a timely fashion. Others much later in my life. In some cases I have had to let go of the answer coming before it has agreed to arrive.

Letting go.

Other times, while the answer may be present, I am simply, unwilling or unable to recognize it.

How to find closure in this time? Simply thank the event for being part of my overall experience. Let it go. This brings a sense of completion and closure to the process that this life experience has made possible.

Today I make this letting go a tangible act. In the hopes that my heart is lighter for it.

I write my final journal entry on the subject. I meditate with the intention of releasing this event from my consciousness. As I do so, I summon this experience one last time. I honor it with my love and attention. I acknowledge my gratitude for this experience.

And I say good-bye.

Then I let it go.

Released out from the very pores of my being. Pouring forth from my heart, my hands, my head, my feet. Free from within me. Liberated. This burden is gone.

My intention was to let go.

I sat peacefully envisioning and experiencing for one last time the emotional spectrum of these past two years. Nestled among the sturdy, sprawling roots beneath that significant tree. It seemed only appropriate.

I clearly imagined releasing it all. Letting it go...

BEE GONE!

And in that moment a tickling under my arm startled me. I reached up only to grasp the innocent creature in my hand. In so doing I plucked his stinger from him. I could clearly see it. Efficiently anchored in my tender skin.

A divine messenger? What if I misinterpret the message? I was letting go. Isn't that what I was supposed to do?

Bees were thought to carry knowledge of the future. Can I have a glimpse at the next chapter along with the conveniently embedded stinger? Please?

What does this mean!? Or is my lesson to let this go as well. Carry on as intended. Stay focused. Say a final goodbye.

I'd like to exorcise the swollen nagging in my arm along with the rest. Or shall I let this distract me from my task. Am I not meant to let go, quite yet?

Girl unsuspecting, meditating under tree, stung by a bee.

What would you like to bee gone from you?

HOPE FLOATS

2010-08-17T15:18:00.000-07:00

"For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been.'"
John Greenleaf Whittier

Sadder still "it may still be" when hope should have been drowned long ago...

There is something magical about the buoyant quality of salty ocean water.

Buoyancy is an upward force equal to the weight of water displaced by an object. Objects in salt water appear more buoyant than objects in fresh water because salt water is denser than fresh water. SALT.

The freedom of simply floating on one's back. Cradles by the warm, salty water and gently rocked by the waves.

In that moment I held in my heart a sense of buoyant hope. Hope floats, you see.

Today there are moments when I wish I could drown my hope. It stubbornly rises to the surface. Persistent as my breath.

Hope floats. Apparently cheerfully buoyant. Resistant to the nagging reality of the situation or the heavy weight of the factual evidence and experience at hand.

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it."
Helen Keller

Is it possible to suffer from persistent, illegitimate hope?

There is an African proverb that goes something like: however long the night, the dawn will break. This is the thinking that rationalizes my floating hope.

How long does one wait for the sun to reappear? How many months? If only my hope had a sense of ordinary time. Hope is epically patient.

"We enjoy warmth because we have been cold. We appreciate light because we have been in darkness. By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness."
David Weatherford

And when the joy arrives, as the eagerly anticipated rains after a long drought, the contrast allows for a deeper sense of appreciation for what was, what is and what might still be...HOPE.

What do you hope for?
Is there anything that might have been still lingering in your heart?

PLENTY

2010-08-15T20:28:00.000-07:00

Plenty. The feeling that one has enough.

A state of contentment mingled with satisfaction and a serving of gratitude.

In my gratitude journal each night I log the items that I reflect upon with utter appreciation. This evening's list includes...

I am grateful for:
runs watching the sunrise
long bayside walks with my dear friend
trying out our new bocce ball set
listening to my daughter laugh
technological improvements and kind, gentle help
feeling beautiful from the inside out
harmless flirtations
cartwheels and handstands on the grass at sunset
warm, snuggly animal friends
good books and bubble baths

But there could be so much more. Today I went on a long morning walk to reconnect with my dear friend. And rather than sped this precious time dwelling on where we've been, what will happen, what we want, what we might become, what we've said and done - a first - I was able to remain in inquiry mode and simply remain present.

A small triumph. Baby steps.

I enjoyed our walk, (with I might happily add a limited nod to non sequiturs), and held my mind gracefully trained upon us, our current state and reminding myself that right now this is plenty.

I have stopped the cycle of wanting and suffering. I am surrendering to what is. Just in this moment. And the glorious freedom that comes with the knowledge that each moment holds the possibility of change...HOPE.

This is enough. I have enough. In this moment, this is what we have and this is plenty.

And then I proceeded with my day.

And this day has been just right. Because in this moment I am free from my expectations of what might or might not be. I am enough. I have enough.

Plenty.

I feel myself peering over the edge every now and then. Looking down upon the landscape of what might be, what could be, what I would love to be...but for now I am somehow strong enough to resist the urge to follow that path. I have plenty of strength. Please let me continue to have plenty of strength.

There is vast power in not knowing. It is the freedom and the choices we make during these opportunity gaps. I choose to remain present and strong. I have plenty.

What do you have plenty of?

P.S. Thank you for your patience as I make some exciting technical updates...images and blog posts will return to their regular, predictable schedule over the next few days! Stay tuned.

ONCE

2010-08-11T21:29:00.000-07:00

There is something utterly delicious about writing the first words on a clean, white page. I am never quite certain where they will lead me.

The maelstrom of undocumented words swirling in my head leaves me dizzy. There is order in placing them neatly, one after another, single filed across a blank page. Left to right.

There are times when my words flow faster that my hand can possibly travel. Complete paragraphs cascading from the reservoir of my mind. A stray thought can send them alight as a strong wind does the fallen petals of spring!

Is it my anticipation of what might be that makes the first words so delightful?

The possibilities!

Once upon a time...

JUICY DETAILS

2010-07-29T20:14:00.000-07:00

"One thing life has taught me: if you are interested, you never have to look for new interests. They come to you. When you are genuinely interested in one thing, it will always lead to something else."
Eleanor Roosevelt

Genuine interest is such a rarity these days...much like genuine, unabashed opinions, expressed candidly, without apology. Without judgement. Simply authentic passion about one's own feelings and opinions...

Thoughts on politics and religion awaken a sense of discomfort for many...but isn't this where the richness lies?

I am genuinely interested in expressive writing, candid art, exposed materials and manufacturing processes, the lost art of handwriting and letter writing, the soothing sound of old records, the smell of citrus, the warmth of stone in sun, the milling of cider, the pace of life beyond the urban sprawl...

What about you? What catches your eye, holds your attention and arouses your curiosity?

How do we find more time to lavish on these genuine interests?

2010-07-27T13:52:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Mom!

You are an amazing, intelligent, resilient woman. Celebrate yourself today.

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got."

Janis Joplin

WINGS

2010-07-26T13:00:00.000-07:00

Sending this one out to my sister who is in need of some wings.

I have been in that place - where faith seems elusive.

Where the very ground of what I knew and held to be the truth has fallen away from beneath me, to leave me vulnerable and exposed.

I wish I could offer a recipe for wings. Instead I offer my love and support...to rebuild your solid ground upon.

Change is constant.

It may not be today or even tomorrow but this raw feeling will change as well.

xo

CHANCES

2010-07-25T13:16:00.000-07:00

"Chance is powerful. Let your hook be always cast. In the pool where you least expect it, will be a fish."
OVID

In delightfully unexpected little ways that will shift my path for many days and years to come. Each choice I make brings me closer to what I desire.

Where will you take your chances today?

PLAYING FAVORITES

2010-07-24T09:09:00.000-07:00

Ahhhhhh, the joy and simplicity of childhood...

Life at this time is reduced to a series of tangible favorites. Clearly defined and seemingly unchangeable.

Children often speak in these terms. As adults we loose this ability, this sense of clarity in general terms.

Once upon a time, over 5 years ago, I was nonchalantly asked what my favorite color was. Haphazardly I responded "purple." For 5 years that answer has haunted me...

Flash to today:

"What's your favorite color?" she asks again.

In my grown-up voice I fire back, "Color of what, exactly? To wear? To paint my bedroom?"

In my mind context is everything. Where would this color be? What would it be paired with? I need more information.

Give me more...in an effort to somehow justify or rationalize my color choice

"Your favorite animal?" she inquires.

"For what purpose? To cuddle, to carry me across the desert, to protect me?" I query.

"Just pick an animal, you know, that you like." she calmly encourages (just a hint of patient understanding in her voice).

"An action verb." she insists, "like run, jump, dance..." she lists a few examples in case I need a refresher course on grammatical terms.

"Leap." I carelessly respond.

I can play. It's like MadLibs. No consequences. I hope...

If the answers didn't matter, if there were no consequences and no one to judge your responses, what would YOUR favorites be?

Is there a difference between these answers and your grown-up mind's thoughtful, calculated response?

CLARITY

2010-07-23T13:00:00.000-07:00

“Celebrate what you want to see more of.” Thomas J. Peters
________________________________________

I love this quote for its reminder to find gratitude in the smallest places... and to build the foundation for my day upon those little things.

Where my focus lies reflects not only my strengths but also my greatest weaknesses and fears.

Today my ONE Thing is CLARITY.

How can I create a sense of transparency and allow for truth and honesty in all that I do and say today?

How about you? What does clarity mean in your life?

YIELD FOR STRENGTH

2010-07-22T16:00:00.000-07:00

“Seeing into darkness is clarity
Knowing how to yield is strength.” Lao Tse

How has your yielding created a sense of strength?

COMMENCE LIVING

2010-07-21T10:10:00.000-07:00

"A truly good book teaches me better than to read it. I must soon lay it down, and commence living on its hint. What I began by reading, I must finish by acting."

Henry David Thoreau

Sometimes I the words I read inspire me to re-evaluate the seemingly small daily choices that I make.

Even a work of fiction can impart a sense of magic and wonder...of possibility.

What do you read that inspires you to live your best life?

HINT

2010-07-20T21:58:00.000-07:00

"A discerning eye needs only a hint... and understatement leaves the imagination free to build its own elaborations."
Russell Page

The stark, clarity of the blatant or the uncertain elegance of the subtle...
exposed or slightly hidden...
knowing or imagining...

Which do you prefer?

CELEBRATE

2010-07-20T18:00:00.000-07:00

EACH DAY

2010-07-20T11:11:00.000-07:00

I am filled with anticipation...

What will today bring YOU?!

PLACE HOLDER

2010-07-19T08:00:00.000-07:00

What occupies the space between your thoughts?

WALKING AWAY

2010-07-18T18:00:00.000-07:00

When do you find yourself needing to walk away?

Today my ONE Thing is gratitude.

Life is truly unexpected and miraculous! I am so truly grateful for the ability to sit still, talk and listen with a dear friend tonight. I am grateful for the ability to forgive each other, to move forward together on whatever path we choose and to have the strength to walk away. It feels really good to have come so far...
Thank you:)for your honesty, your willingness in the face of great discomfort and your commitment to going with ALL of your heart.

"Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart." Confucius

xo

CONFESS

2010-07-16T14:00:00.000-07:00

“Confess to yourself in the deepest hour of the night whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write. Dig deep into your heart, where the answer spreads its roots in your being, and ask yourself solemnly, Must I write?”
Rainer Maria Rilke

What would you rather die for than be forbidden to do?

Afterthought:
I found this quote and it so sums up exactly how I feel about my ability to write and communicate:

"One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter."
James Earl Jones

TEAMS

2010-07-15T22:26:00.000-07:00

“It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”
Joanne Kathleen Rowling (author Harry Potter)

Tonight I enjoyed a lovely guilty pleasure - Twilight Saga Eclipse.

I left behind the duties of my day and escaped to drinks, appetizers and the movies with a dear friend. Our conversation spanned many areas of our lives and landed, of course, just as the previews were concluding on THE question: which team are you?

And for once I had the perfect answer (kudos to Kate:)

I am officially team Why Do I Have to Choose?! Honestly, I deserve a real,capable, 360 degree man who is able and willing to discuss literature and design, complete basic home repairs and share his feelings all without breaking a sweat. I don't need a teenage actor portraying a wolf or a vampire or drama over who's more handsome or more breathtaking or who's better at saving the day.

Edward or Jacob?

Why do I need to choose?

Although I am completely willing to shell out $12.50 to spend a few hours of my time daydreaming at the movies...

I am team "Why do I have to choose?!"

“Our choices in life are made according to our sense of our own worth”
Kaylan Pickford

How about you, who do YOU choose?

BON VACANCE

2010-07-14T22:18:00.000-07:00

My mind reels with the possibilities! 5 days. No responsibilities. No structure to my time.

Certainly there is a feeling of longing and absence. Simultaneously there is an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for the ability to step away and be..."independent".

Like the elf who wants to be a dentist in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, my mouth is learning to form this very foreign-sounding word. In-de-pen-dent.

My days are anchored by a familiar routine for which I am truly grateful. I am blessed with an amazing daughter. We are both experimenting with this new-found independence!

Summer sleep-away camp.

Today my one thing is: GRACE.

I will savour the slow and beautiful in all that I say and do.
How can I define the word grace in how I choose to live today?

I'm curious - what does GRACE mean to you?

ONE Thing

2010-07-09T22:00:00.000-07:00

“Never again clutter your days or nights with so many menial and unimportant things that you have no time to accept a real challenge when it comes along. This applies to play as well as work. A day merely survived is no cause for celebration. You are not here to fritter away your precious hours when you have the ability to accomplish so much by making a slight change in your routine. No more busy work. No more hiding from success. Leave time, leave space, to grow. Now. Now! Not tomorrow!"
Og Mandino

Deliberate action.

My golf coach reminds me that once I start to swing just think of ONE thing...

Plan, strategize, put everything in place and then once you're there just think - what's my one thing right now?

One thing.

Right now my one thing is typing this blog post.

When I'm finished my one thing will be sharing the end of this day with my family.

In this moment, what is your ONE thing?

POSTCARDS

2010-07-08T21:00:00.000-07:00

I am enjoying blissful day dreams of recent sweltering summer days...cold ocean swims and bare skin nestled into warm sand or against scorching pool tiles...

This chilly, drizzly July weather is good for crafting and letter writing...shrinky dinks and postcards to far away places all happened today.

I wrote a special someone a stack of sleep-away camp letters and postcards today. Hard to believe!

I recall my father writing long letters to me in college and paper-clipping articles from the Wall Street Journal against their yellow legal pad pages. His precise, fountain pen print was unmistakable. He took the time hand-select intriguing stamps. At the time, it was a pleasure to receive mail, of any sort. But I must admit that I rarely made the time to write back to his considerate correspondence.

I get it now...I am hoping for a stack of postcards in return next week...I'll even stop by the Post Office to hand-pick some playful stamps.

And yes, there will be a care package!!! Summer camp is so...super:)

How often do you check your mail box? Do you ever get anything good anymore via snail mail?!

I read about this incentive project to encourage letter writing called Vive La Snail Mail on the Shutter Sisters site. Check it out if you're like me and LOVE to find your actual mail box full!

MARCHING

2010-07-08T15:50:00.000-07:00

I have a new-found fascination with marching bands...

There is something so enthusiastic and proud about this summer tradition.

SUMMER TRADITIONS

2010-07-08T08:46:00.000-07:00

Thought I'd share a glimpse of our weekend...Coronado Fourth of July parade...Part 1.
ENJOY!

BLOOMING MOST RECKLESSLY

2010-07-07T21:45:00.000-07:00

"Everything is blooming most recklessly;
if it were voices instead of colors,
there would be an unbelievable shrieking
into the heart of the night."

Rainer Maria Rilke

CREASES AND FOLDS

2010-07-07T20:57:00.000-07:00

"I am too alone in the world, and yet not alone enough
to make every hour holy.

I am too small in the world, and yet not tiny enough
just to stand before you like a thing,
dark and shrewd.

I want my will, and I want to be with my will
as it moves towards deed;

and in those quiet, somehow hesitating times,
when something is approaching,

I want to be with those who are wise
or else alone.

I want always to be a mirror that reflects your whole being,
and never to be too blind or too old
to hold your heavy, swaying image.

I want to unfold.

Nowhere do I want to remain folded,
because where I am bent and folded, there I am a lie.

And I want my meaning
true for you.

I want to describe myself
like a painting that I studied
closely for a long, long time,
like a word I finally understood,
like the pitcher of water I use every day ,
like the face of my mother,
like a ship
that carried me
through the deadliest storm of all."

Rainer Maria Rilke

I love Rilke's ability to create these stark visual images with his words. A recent book wove German poetry into it's narrative...what a lovely reminder of its beauty and sadness.

In the places where I am folded I am a lie...like the crease of well-read letters...the stories we tell ourselves and others to get through the day.

I am grateful for the beauty of these words, the company of wise people, the truth that I know to be myself and the courage to write a very difficult letter.

I SCREAM

2010-07-03T16:00:00.000-07:00

Happy early 4th of July!

ENJOY!

STILLNESS

2010-07-02T19:23:00.000-07:00

“Stand still. The trees ahead and bush beside you are not lost.”
Albert Einstein

Yesterday I had the opportunity to walk and stare up at the trees, leaves and sky over head...here I found some stillness.

Within the chatter of minds and the busy-ness of our days it is sometimes very challenging to find even a moment of peace, quiet, stillness. Even when the noises of our outer world dies down to a mumble, this only seems to create an opportunity for our mind's internal volume to rise and fill the void.

Does this ever happen to you? In the dead of night, in the eery silence of our urban landscape, my thoughts find their purchase and take hold.

For many years I tried to create stillness by sitting quietly...completely impossible for me! The feeling is similar to that of holding a hummingbird in one's hands. The bird would immediately resist, flap its wings and restlessly try to get away. Much like my mind when I TRY to sit and be still.

Now I prepare for stillness, accept the cracks in my inner quiet where noise seeps in and surrender to some of the imperfection inherent in my silence and stillness...

There are few times when all is still and quiet. Often my stillness follows periods of intense exertion - after a long run, at the end of a rigorous hike, post yoga class. I've learned that while I move my mind processes, digests, transforms thought into movement and somehow in the process achieves a semblance of stillness. This stillness is a feeling that's similar to diving under water - everything becomes suddenly lighter in weight, quieter, dampened...

Recently long walks and a few buckets of balls at the driving range create a balanced stillness in my life.

“One's action ought to come out of an achieved stillness: not to be mere rushing on.”
D.H. Lawrence

What does stillness feel like for you? What brings it?

SUMMERTIME

2010-07-01T22:07:00.001-07:00

Picture summer...

In my memories summers are filled with rolling green lawns, chatty cicadas and mutant grasshoppers, muddy creeks perfect for wading, distant whistles of soccer games, dark thunder clouds and tornado warnings, heat rising from asphalt, endless games of hide-and-seek, cotton covered yards, suicide slushees and grilled cheese sandwiches dipped in ketchup, whole weeks spent pool-side with friends, the smell of suntan lotion and grease...

Colorado summers. Life in urban So Cal is soooo different!

Today I am grateful for a bucket of balls and my daughter, an opportunity to play at the pool and neighborhood ice cream stores followed by swings...

What does your summer look like?!

IN FLIGHT

2010-06-30T21:00:00.000-07:00

Serendipity! I happened upon this little guy while I was out this evening...

so here is my version of How to Catch a Hummingbird:

HOW TO CATCH A HUMMINGBIRD

2010-06-28T15:15:00.000-07:00

...how to catch a hummingbird...

I was unintentionally eaves-dropping when I heard this curious snippet of conversation. There was a noted silence in our own table's conversation and above the background noise I very clearly heard: "...how to catch a hummingbird..."

It's stuck with me for several days now.

I am wondering what the remains of the conversation entailed?!

Why would you want to catch a hummingbird? Seems truly futile - like trying to catch a stray thought mid-conversation.

How exactly would you go about such a thing?
Entice it with food, a succulent flower to trap it in...
Lure it with sticky sweet nectar or honey...
Hire Sylvester - although Tweety was so much slower and look what happened there...

Hummingbirds are so incredibly fast! It seems a bit like trying to capture the Tasmanian devil.

Would captivity be detrimental to the tiny, high-metabolism creature? I read somewhere they must eat constantly to sustain their hyper-active nature.

I've rarely even seen a hummingbird sit still for more than a moment...

What would I want with a hummingbird? Birds are meant to be set free...

My thoughts run away from me like a flock of hummingbirds! Is there such a thing? They seem solitary creatures, destined for speed not idol companionship.

“You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts;
And when you can no longer dwell in the solitude of your heart
you live in your lips,
And sound is a diversion and a pastime.
And in much of your talking, thinking is half murdered.
For thought is a bird of space,
that in a cage of words may indeed unfold its wings but cannot fly.”
Kahlil Gibran , The Prophet

RUN WITH ME

2010-06-27T22:00:00.000-07:00

"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed.
Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them."
Sex and the City

I am grateful for a day to play and good friends to run with me!
Looking forward to many more summer days and nights like this one...

Thank you!

xo

RUMORS

2010-06-25T17:18:00.000-07:00

“The artist’s world is limitless. It can be found anywhere far from where he lives or a few feet away. It is always on his doorstep.” ~Paul Strand

Rumors. Gossip with a nefarious purpose. (Insert wicked smile)

I am starting a rumor...

A talented, charming local artist and her candy-coated artwork will be available for conversation and drinks this Saturday from 7-9pm at Indigo Hillcrest. Pass it on.

Saturday, June 26th 7:00PM-9:00PM
Indigo, 3545 Fourth Ave in Hillcrest 92103

Curious about my work?
Passionate about a good cause?

A silent auction of original artwork, spa services and products will benefit The Race for the Cure.

Original artwork and photographs will also be available for purchase all evening.

John Nelson and his wife are displaying photographs on the first floor at Indigo and I have the whole second floor. Come join us!

And since I have your attention...

A gelato establishment if opening in North Park near the our unofficial restaurant row. Gelato within walking distance on a summer's eve?! It's not quite Italy but it will do.

“Let me ask you something, what is not art?” ~ unknown

A DISCERNING SURRENDER

2010-06-23T21:00:00.000-07:00

“I’ve learned to trust what I call the Braille method of living – relinquishing grand plans and schemes in favor of an intuitive approach, feeling my way from tree to tree, relinquishing my attempts to control the world and learning, instead, to trust a discerning surrender.” Stephen Cope

I close my eyes and imagine the textures of my life slowing running beneath my fingertips.

From tree to tree and stone to stone I am enjoying feeling my way today...

How about you?

JABBERWOCKY

2010-06-22T22:39:00.000-07:00

A belated Father's Day tribute to my amazing father who was such an incredible source of inspiration, wisdom and wit.

Thank you for your willingness to define every word, read any story, attend countless sports games and write beautiful, hand-written letters - among so many other cherished talents of your that I dearly miss.

I am grateful for my inherited fondness for etymology, mysteries and coining words.

Here's one of our old favorites. ENJOY!

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought --
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy.

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

Lewis Carroll

SUMMER GIRLS

2010-06-19T23:41:00.000-07:00

I am ever-so-grateful for little girls and the approach of summer!

The last few days have been chock-full of...

slumber parties
evenings stretched thin on twilit grass
brilliant youth-inspired fundraising efforts
endless giggles
rambling imaginings
fieldtrips, amusement parks, picnics and parachutes
epic games of hide-and-seek
truth and dare
screams followed by belly laughs
lazy barefoot mornings filled with coffee, long breakfasts and good reads...

What about you? What are you grateful for?

A GOOD LAUGH

2010-06-19T15:52:00.000-07:00

"Il faut savoir sourire à la vie." unknown

When true happiness arrives it come with a thunderous smack and there is no question...in these moments body language reveals the smile that emanates from somewhere deep inside and flows out into the world as a smile, a laugh, a touch...

“A smile starts on the lips, A grin spreads to the eyes, A chuckle comes from the belly; but a good laugh bursts forth from the soul, overflows and bubbles all around.” Carolyn Birmingham

When was the last time you laughed like that?!

DELICIOUS TO TOUCH

2010-06-17T12:49:00.001-07:00

Smooth...

The obvious springs to mind. Unnecessarily catalogued here. Cluttering the more subtle, delicate connections to my personal archive of experiences, reactions and images.

Smooth...
The oddly smooth quality of fossilized wood.
The feeling of smooth, taught sun-warmed skin under hand.
The slippery contrast of exposed and submerged pool tiles (and the sand-paper like bottom!).
The suddenly-slick realization of algae upon river rock under foot.
The tuft of hair beneath a cat's ear.
The surface of a mirror as I reach out toward my reflection.
The lush under-side of my daughter's favorite blanket.

Smooth...
an appealing characteristic, delightful to touch, the opposite of rough.

Have you ever discovered the texture of something and been surprised? With my eyes I had clearly seen the object and in my mind I had created a feeling, an understanding of what it would be like to touch and to hold...

Once upon an island in Lake Maggiore I found something delightfully surprising and yet somehow ordinary.

Flower petals.

In my mind they felt cold, clammy, damp, like wet paper or perhaps even scaly like a lizard's skin.

Instead they were ever-so-soft! Like the feeling of running your fingers across butter - but without the sticky, greasy aftermath. I simply wanted to slide my fingertips across these thin slices of heaven!

I imagined being covered in a fabric that felt this delicious upon my skin!

This is a photograph I took at the time of my daughter's handful of heaven. Her smooth, childish fingers tenderly holding the treasure that is their unexpectedly precious smoothness.

I tucked several in my pocket. My own delicate secret. So light I was surprised to find them there throughout the day. My fingertips never seemed to lose their novel sense of wonder at these tiny, smooth gems in my pocket. My own variety of worry-stones.

The magic is perhaps pronounced because it is fleeting. By only the next day, my fingertips met with a tattered, brittle spectre. Left with only a memory of the previous day's delicious touch.

In college I once had an art project. It simply stated: Create something gratifying to hold.

When was the last time you felt this way about something when you held it?

What was it?!

EMPTY CAGE

2010-06-16T17:46:00.000-07:00

This is my sketch for today's challenge...it's entitled Empty Cage.

As part of today’s exercise I created a visual timeline of my life. How incredible to witness the string of seemingly insignificant events that have filled my lifetime and intersected like some extravagant connect-the-dots, to form my uniquely significant path. These serendipitous, often baffling, sometimes humorous adventures that have brought me directly here (Yes, please do imagine a large, red “You are here” sign).

Exactly where I need to be.

Today’s Creativity Challenge word is HUSH…

My mind tends to run immediately to the opposite of a suggested condition. Is this out of sheer rebellion? Or perhaps for contrast? The clarity that comes with opposites and contrast. In order to clearly define one condition it is necessary to build a foundation of understanding upon knowledge of its opposite.

I feel, rather than know, that I somehow must understand what ISN’T in order to know what truly IS.

Therefore if I am attempting to gain further understanding of the word hush, when in my lifetime have I experienced cacophony?

Noise of an impossible decibel and intensity.

I remember…the proximity of exhilarated fans as Brazil triumphed in the 1994 world cup.

…the indescribable loudness of metal crumpling upon impact.

…the incredible intensity of a forest full of birds rising in symphony with the Costa Rican sun.

…the rowdy raucous of laughter as delighted and surprised children toss water balloons on a chilly June afternoon.

…the contagious exuberance of violinist Lucia Micarelli as her notes encourage the individual cells in my body seem respond to her spirited connection with her music.
Hush…
An unnatural absence of sound.

Hush implies an imposed stillness and quiet. Like raising a fingertip to your lips, encouraging someone to be quiet, to be still. The word hush precludes an uncomfortable and awkward silence. Expectant. The noise may return and the word may need repeating.

Hush…
…the unexpectedly utter emptiness of my father’s cold hand shortly after he had passed

…the hauntingly warm yet completely limp body of my beloved cat impossibly draped in my arms…filled only moments before with his comfortably familiar breath and life.

Hush…
A presence that was previously there and is now uncomfortably, noticeably absent.
When that final elaborate silence arrives there is no longer any need for words like hush. That which one corrupted silence has all but fled. With the bird released, the cage sits empty, vacant, waiting. Leaving a stillness, a space that is thick, stifling.

I am grateful for the perspective gained in the present. And the ability to feel grateful and content with where I am right this moment.

THERE COMES A YES

2010-06-16T14:13:00.001-07:00

"After the final no, there comes a yes
And on that yes the future world depends."

Wallace Stevens

Anyone else feeling as though there has been a steady flow of recent and unfortunate news?

I won't bother to catalogue the details here.

Instead I'd prefer to use this space to send some much-needed happy thoughts out to those of my dear friends who could use a little extra right about now:

rainbows (but no butterflies)
resounding vibrations of OM circle energy
deliciously long, warm hugs
singing ABBA songs out loud while dancing in the kitchen
trying to play catch with balloons
warm brownies and vanilla gelato
first cup of coffee on a cold day
climbing into a freshly made bed
lying on grass watching clouds
warm sand and warm waves
sunset on water (waiting for the green flash!)
singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
scratching a loved one's back
painting toenails
warm stone under bare feet
pine needles baking in the sun
maple syrup on fingertips
fresh-cut flowers on the table
fuzzy tomato leaves
a purring cat stretched out on its back
sound of rain against the roof
cartwheels - anywhere
the tooth fairy antics
finger painting
witty sarcasm...

What helps you to forget your worries and sadness?

OUR INCORRIGIBLE SENSES

2010-06-15T14:40:00.000-07:00

Our incorrigible senses have the ability to exhume from the vaults of our minds strikingly vivid, seemingly full-bodied memories and images. Retelling stories ancient within the timeline of our lifetime.

These stories are so old that they no longer have the flesh of their own words.

Yet these memories quickly rise to the surface with the merest scent, the slightest texture, the faintest song. Murky are these moments when we are caught unawares by the persuasive embrace of the past.

For today's creativity challenge I created a layered, textured, collage...I'd like to accompany my collage with a soundtrack and scents...so here are a few. ENJOY!

The subtle scent of lavender and echinacea reminds me of a 13-year-old boy who lent me his scarf one rainy May day in Yellowstone…

Sunlight mixed with fresh-cut grass and skin lathered with Dove soap stir images of long hot summer showers…

Dust, sweat and pine needles baked under the sun return me to lazy afternoons on Devil’s Head…

Taste of vine ripened tomatoes and damp creek-scented breeze tinged with dog woods recall evenings plucking vegetables from our childhood garden and the surprise of Alice-in-Wonderland-style surreal-sized tomato worms...

Garden roses still remind me of holiday breakfasts with my grandparents alongside their rose garden…decades ago and scraped knees from climbing jagged, sun-drenched lava rocks to play beneath the pines...

The rustle of breeze through summer-lush, cottonwoods, their fecund fluff filling the sky and blanketing the fields like an early snowfall…

The contrast of daily textures so often overlooked…scratchy garden twine against velveteen tomato leaves and their smooth-as-a-baby’s-bottom fruits. Bare feet moving across the warm, deep pile of our area rug onto the cool, warn slats of our hardwood floors…

Curious mixture of raven’s caw-caw, mingled with a grackle’s tweet-tweet and the rhythmic trance of Hearing Damage, resonating within me like a tuning fork…

Have you noticed? Even in the silence the persistent thrum of technology continues to fill the void…we’re never truly without some sense being artificially stimulated, encouraged, triggered…

Our senses conjure from memory the most fragile of images with merely the faintest of hinted scents wafting upon the breeze. Awakening long-quiet parts of ourselves. Simultaneously wild,translucent, sacred and delicate.

What might happen if we could silence all of our senses? Just for one minute? What might we feel?

Clarity? Or simply a quenching emptiness and silence?

STEADY DRIZZLE

2010-06-14T17:48:00.000-07:00

Apparently I needed this...

I am an indestructible romantic. How can it be? I suppose it's not something that can be reasoned. And here in the poem I've written for today's challenge my softer side is revealed.

I've signed on for a creativity challenge. Creativity Boot Camp.

Didn't I just finish telling someone I didn't need a kick in the $%! Well, I suppose this is of a different variety. While I'm a motivated, self-achiever, this boot camp is pushing me explore other mediums, inspiring me to step beyond my comfortable forms of expression and encouraging daily creative outbursts.

Today's assignment was to explore a medium that originally inspired us. Way back when. And to work with the word "drizzle."

Oooh! Such a deliciously descriptive word! Reminds me of messy afternoons, cooking and licking fingertips. Honey, maple and chocolate syrup. Butter cream frosting...

Or the steady drizzle of a rainy Northwest day...coating eyelashes and tree branches.

We were also given this quote: “Painting is poetry that is seen rather than felt, and poetry is painting that is felt rather than seen.” ~Leonardo da Vinci

I was reminded of my need to add words, to speak to the art and clearly explain it for my audience. My words tend to accompany my pieces, arm-in-arm.

Today my piece combines my original photograph and poem...

If you remember back to when it all began, what originally inspired you? Is it possible to reconnect to that feeling, that medium, that moment of inspiration?

Are you willing to give it a try?!

Will what started as a drizzle develop into a deluge?

WISER

2010-06-13T13:18:00.000-07:00

"Take thy thoughts to bed with thee, for the morning is wiser than the evening."
(Бери мысли спать с тобою, ибо утро вечера мудренее. Beri mysli spatʹ s toboyu, ibo utro vechera mudrenyee.)
Russian Proverb

LAYERS

2010-06-11T15:42:00.000-07:00

“The creative process is a process of surrender, not control.”
Julia Cameron

I am grateful for spontaneous reconnections today! I just spent the morning catching up with a dear friend and discussing creativity on a deadline....

Is the term working artist a contradiction? John Cleese was once quoted as saying something along the lines of if you want creativity from your workers you must also allow time for play. Sometimes being creative under pressure and on a timeline is soooo hard! It's like walking into a bookstore with excitement and no list and then all of a sudden every book you have ever wanted to read evaporates from your mind! Why is that?

When nothing is due I am inspired by simplicity, honesty, process, destruction, scribbles, a crumpled napkin, swirls of gasoline in a puddle of water, patterns of leaves on the ground, tire tracks in mud, patterns of shoelaces...for me the courage and work comes from finding(or perhaps more accurately surrendering to) the creativity and inspiration when a piece is due, when a show is in its final stages, when expectations are set and schedules are on.

If I can begin to think of time and schedules like artistic processes...layers...I love knowing something is beneath something else in a piece - there's a quality of something hinted at and mysterious and almost secret...very inspiring! What happens if I allow what has already inspired me to rise to the surface, to reveal itself or its shadows in these times of creative ebb?

"To be productive, any level of work requires the willingness to empty ourselves of what we think we want and know, and a corresponding willingness to open ourselves to what emerges as important and needful."

Grace Unfolding, Greg Johanson and Ron Kurtz

What might have space to arrive if we dare to empty ourselves of expectations?

SACRED AND INEXPLICABLE

2010-06-10T14:22:00.000-07:00

“Too often it is we who won't let life be simple.

Why must we squeeze it and bite it and slam it against what we've convinced ourselves are our great powers of reason? We violate the innocence of things in the name of rationality so we can wander about, uninterrupted, in our search for passion and sentiment.

Let the inexplicable sit sacred.”

Marlena De Blasi , A Thousand Days in Venice: An Unexpected Romance

In this moment I am loving the vivid imagery of these words.

There are times when my knowing inhibits feeling. Times when my need to understand prevents the subtle truth from just being.

We are such bullies at times...to life, to truth, to others, to ourselves...

Like silly-putty in rough, child-like hands I've shaped and battered many an issue within my own head. Repeatedly forcing reason onto the most unreasonable situations and people. Like trying to extract juice from a pear. Some things are just not meant to be...

Fascinating that I still attempt to attach meaning and method to these events and circumstances.

I have been chronically struggling with the daily realization that several prominent individuals in my life have completely disparate core values and operating systems from my own.

Yes, simply acknowledging the difference was a step. But I couldn't leave it there. I wanted to UNDERSTAND. I needed to find some explanation or reason that would somehow make it all clear, acceptable, excused. Perhaps I finally battered these ideas around until there was nothing left. No reason. None. Zero. No way to rationally explain them. And no reason to...

Wait?! I don't need to understand or accept for them to exist?!

In recognizing these differences as inexplicable and sacred I somehow shifted behind the struggle, into a gap. A space that allows me to find peace beyond the conflict. It's as though the world has suddenly, miraculously, flipped upside down into a playful somersault. Everything looks changed...

What are you struggling against that is inexplicable and perhaps, nonetheless sacred?

THE WAY WE SEE

2010-06-07T20:27:00.000-07:00

“The way that we see things today does not have to be the way we saw them yesterday. That is because the situations, our relationships to them, and we ourselves have changed in the interim. This notion of constant change suggests that we do not have to be discouraged.” T.K.V. Desikachar

How does my perspective affect how I see the world?

My attitude most definitely filters and transforms the events and my subsequent reactions. Distance and time shift my viewpoint...extending, expanding, distorting the edges like a fish eye lens.

Erasing the details and substituting generalizations, washes of feeling in their place. Like a familiar, well-worn chair our memories begin to conform to the frequent silent repetition of our story. Our internal dialogue creates its own mental pathway.

Straying perhaps slightly or at times grossly from the truth of the experience. A navigation system gone awry.

At times wishing I could simply remove this lens and swap out for another...is it that simple?!
And you? How do you shift your perspective or change your point of view?

SMILE

2010-06-04T07:03:00.000-07:00

"...and I love it when, in the middle of our kiss, I can feel you smiling." unknown

Now that's a thought that makes me smile.

Unrestrained happiness.

Joy so full to the top that it can't help but overflow and spill out. Overflowing...to the point you glow and feel lighter.

I am grateful...
that I have felt this love.
to have of memories of such moments.
and more to look forward to.

ENJOY this day!

SPARKS

2010-06-03T16:20:00.000-07:00

“Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.” Ayn Rand

I am grateful for these words today. I will hold tightly to each of my "irreplaceable sparks!"

What are you grateful for?

WATER NOT BOAT

2010-06-02T19:03:00.000-07:00

Flow on, flow on! Surrender to that which already is...

"In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins - not by strength but by perseverance." - H. Jackson Brown

The winding, graceful and persistent stream ever flowing on...what a lovely image.

I often find the serendipitous "little things" arrive as the universe's messengers.

...the perfect timing of reading a certain book, spotting a photo, catching a particular song.

Words and images that speak directly to where I am and what I need at that precise moment.

A mirror.

It's true that these words reflect back upon us that which already resides within us.

What a brilliant reminder!

"The calm river of your life approaches the rocky chute of the rapids - flow on through. You are the same water. The rocks cannot hurt you. Remember, now and then, that you are the water and not the boat. Flow on!” unknown

IN ITS BSENCE

2010-06-01T21:44:00.000-07:00

“I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart: I am, I am, I am.” Sylvia Plath

Do you ever get that feeling - whether in art, work, pleasure or a recipe...

a phantom limb of sorts...

Something you can't quite put your finger on. It is none-the-less present in its definable absence.

What's missing?

Must you have experienced a condition in order to truly recognize its opposite?

When is it appropriate to actively identify, seek out and find this missing piece? Or will it naturally present itself when the time is ripe?

“Freedom is strangely ephemeral. It is something like breathing; one only becomes acutely aware of its importance when one is choking.” William E. Simon

WHERE WE MEET

2010-05-30T18:30:00.000-07:00

“We're fascinated by the words--but where we meet is in the silence behind them.”
Ram Dass

These words describe a powerful experience for me.

When I truly began to meditate it was with a sense of working my way slowly behind the thoughts in my head. I discovered the serene space that exists buried beneath the momentary clutter of my thoughts.

The truest, most authentic moments of my life have been enjoyed TOGETHER with those I love but in absolute silence...

...driving feeling true companionship beside someone, top down, wind blowing our hair, off on an adventure...
...during a strong, warm hug that says more than any words could...
...resting my head against warm, bare skin, feeling the rise and fall of calm, steady, contented breaths...
...walking purposefully, hands firmly held, knowing not where we will go only that we will be together...
...looking directly into someone else's eyes and knowing in that moment that you both feel the same way and it is a feeling utterly beyond description...
...beneath the high canopy and among the cradling roots...
...an unspoken connection even when miles apart...

“Things aren't so tangible and sayable as people would usually have us believe; most experiences are unsayable, they happen in a space that no word has ever entered.”
Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

ELICIT A REACTION

2010-05-30T13:18:00.001-07:00

"When the artist is alive in any person, whatever his kind of work may be, he becomes an inventive, searching, daring, self-expressing creature. He becomes interesting to other people. He disturbs, upsets, enlightens and he opens the way for a better understanding." Robert Henri

Our ability to elicit a reaction in our audience - to cause them to spend any degree of time outside and away from where they normally reside - that is enough. It does not have to be a choreographed or strictly navigated response.

Our purpose becomes to disturb the natural order of thought, perception and order.

To experiment, explore and play and to encourage that mindful exploration in others.

What fun!

What reaction do you want to tease out of your audience?

YOU ARE WHAT YOU READ

2010-05-28T16:00:00.000-07:00

As the old adage goes...you are what you eat. I am a voracious reader. I consume books, of all varieties. I tear through them. I linger over them. Sometimes I savour pages and chapters, drawing them out like a lengthy meal with wine shared with excellent company...and yet other times, I read with a velocity that barely allows time enough for comprehension and digestion.

If a palm reader could pour over my shelves and spread the recent collection of my readings wide, I wonder what she would conclude? (And why do I automatically assume that all palm readers are female?)

Below I reveal the indiscriminate pattern of my most recent reads...perhaps you can elucidate on any hidden meanings as you see fit...

These are from the last few months...

My Antonia, Willa Cather (again)

Images of the wide open west, its raw beauty, the allure of its possibilities, its savageness.

Society of S, Susan Hubbard

Vampires struggling against one another in a race to develop synthetic blood.

Evermore, Alyson Noel

Haunted by conversations with her ghostly little sister, a mortal is drawn to an immortal. This is not the first lifetime they have met...

The Book of Air and Shadows, Michael Gruber

Action, suspense and romance when letters point to the existence of an original Shakespeare manuscript.

Blue Moon, Alyson Noel

Second in the immortals series. Ever lives on...

Death in Venice, Thomas Mann

Worth several readings. Mann packs every sentence in this tragic tale.

Lace Reader's Guide, Brunonia Barry

A twisting narrative loaded with surprises.

The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie (Flavia de Luce mystery series), Alan Bradley (first-time author at 70!)

A spunky 11-year-old, consumed with chemistry and fascinated by poisons, solves her first mystery.

The Weed that Strings the Hangman's Bag, Alan Bradley

Second in the series. A traveling puppeteer arrives and sinister things begin to occur in this small English village.

The Tiger Who Came to Tea, Judith Kerr

What happens when a tiger arrives at the door expecting tea.

City of Bones, Cassandra Clare

First in the Mortal Instruments Series. Clary is introduced to the world of Shadowhunters.

The Wednesday Letters, Jason F. Wright

A husband's tradition of writing a letter to his wife every Wednesday exposes a family secret after his death.

City of Ashes, Cassandra Clare

Second in the Mortal Instruments Series. Shadowhunters continue their battle in Manhattan.

I Am Papa Snap and These are My Favorite No Such Stories, Tomie Ungerer

An odd collection of short stories with imaginative illustrations and slightly off-center characters. Think Mercer Mayer's Professor Wormbog in Search for the Zipperump-A-Zoo but darker.

Babar the King, Jean de Brunhoff

Babar at his best - imaginative, adventurous, clever and endearing.

The Best Buddhist Writing, compilation

Compelling shorts shed light on varying Buddhist perspectives.

City of Glass, Cassandra Clare

Third and final installment. Return to the homeland of Idris.

Babar and Zephyr, Jean de Brunhoff

Follow the monkey on his adventures as he meets mermaids, charms terrifying monsters and attempts to rescue a kidnapped princess. Wonderfully imaginative!

Wicked Lovely, Melissa Marr

Faeries lure a mortal into their world in another attempt to fulfill the legends.

LEAP

2010-05-27T19:00:00.000-07:00

Hop. Jump. Spring. Pounce. Twirl. Dive. Flounce. Jaunt. Skip. Cartwheel. Chasse. Slide.

All of the above.

Whatever the action word that gets me up, out and moving, right NOW.

Move it, move it!

I am daring to create the outcome that I desire.

I know what I want. As we speak I am leaping.

What are you up to?

What is your action verb of choice?

EXPLICIT

2010-05-26T20:00:00.000-07:00

A detailed response.

To elaborate extensively.

I have yet to look up the clinical definition of explicit...

I tend to be thorough so it's rather surprising that I have yet to do this.

If you were hoping for photographs in this post, I need to be honest and up-front, you may be sorely disappointed....

But I am trying to unearth the use of this word within the context of my own life.

EXPLICIT.

I have a preponderance for truth. Absolute.

I do not tolerate waffling explanations or rambling uncertainties or wavering answers.

I have a tendency to be overtly authentic.

"You are a truth-teller." my friend said, in a slightly accusatory tone.

Does this make you uncomfortable?

It is our responsibility to present ourselves honestly to those we value in our lives. Then to trust that they will know what to do from there.

If we don't provide each other with the whole truth, then we are unable to make entirely educated decisions. We are basing our decisions upon unstable foundations, wobbling half-truths.

Would you build your dream home on sand? Absolutely NOT!

Why then would you dare to construct each day of your life and each relationship you hold dearly upon anything less than the solidity of your truth?

Start now. Don't hold back.

The truth sets us free.

Honesty empowers us and those we truly value with the power to make appropriate decisions.

Enjoy the power.

Lavish those you love with the truth.

LISTEN CLOSELY! PART I

2010-05-25T19:15:00.001-07:00

Now close your eyes and listen...what do you feel?

more about "The Mormon Tabernacle Choir - The Pil...", posted with vodpod

LISTEN CLOSELY!

2010-05-25T19:15:00.000-07:00

Whenever I hear this piece...
I imagine I am lying in the fields of Willa Cather's My Antonia.
Tall grass rippling in smooth waves.
Running arms wide open through fields of gold.
Gentle, almost inaudible rustle of dry grass.
Caress of sun-ripened seed against bare skin.
Dancing with the warm breeze.
Shimmering against the glow of the setting sun...

Listen closely! Breath - taking...

Listen to the post above.
Close your eyes. What do you feel?

"Once more with joy O my home I may meet
Once more ye fair, flowr'y meadows I greet
My Pilgrim's staff henceforth may rest
Since Heaven's sweet peace is within my breast.
The sinner's 'plaint on high was heard
On high was heard and answered by the Lord
The tears I laid before His shrine
Are turned to hope and joy divine.
O Lord eternal praise be Thine!
The blessed source of Thy mercy overflowing
On souls repentant seek Ye, all-knowing
Of hell and death, I have no fear
For thou my Lord are ever near.
Alleluia!
Alleluia!
Alleluia!
For evermore.

Listen closely!
Right about minutes 2:15...it takes my breath away every time I hear it...you can feel the music and the mood turn a corner. It's a physical sensation.
Even though I know it's coming the anticipation, the voices and the music lead me on...

It's truly amazing how the music inspires the feeling of tears turning to hope and joy...as if the tide were building and then the crest of the wave begins to fall.

And yes, I vividly recall the Warner Brothers animated short, "What's Opera Doc?" set to Wagner's Tannhauser Pilgrim's Chorus with reworked lyrics.

Classic Bugs Bunny! Superimposing Looney Tunes over Wagner. Intertwining rich music with wit and comedy...

What ever happened to Saturday morning cartoons?!

(Ever-so-educational. Seriously. ow was I first exposed to Wagner?!)

A BACIO

2010-05-24T17:08:00.000-07:00

I recently returned from Italy. Actually, to be honest, part of me still resides there. I am unwilling to let go of the exquisiteness that I experienced while exploring that sacred, ancient country.

"A bacio." Like a kiss...

In San Gimignano they use this phrase to describe a particular type of experience...

Fleeting beauty. The transient quality of the greatest, most authentic experiences in life.

Like THE kiss...

There is something so absolutely perfectly delicious about an extraordinary kiss. That moment in which two people leave everything else and surrender into each other and the spontaneous, absoluteness of what they are experiencing together.

EVEN AS IT HAPPENS IT IS GONE!

As soon as you become aware of the perfection in that moment, it has already passed.

Like the first bite of something long-awaited.
Ice cold water after a long, hot yoga class.
Plucking a tree-ripened apple and taking an immediate bite.

As soon as you recognize the taste as it dances across your tongue, it is already no longer there.

We spend our lives unknowingly chasing after these butterfly kisses - sensations and experiences that were never meant to last but nevertheless leave an indelible, lasting impression.

Is it in our nature to wish to capture that which we can never keep? Like a bird in a cage. A bird is intended to fly.

A kiss held too long loses its appeal.
A kiss that we can no longer have seduces us eternally.

The first bite is sometimes just enough...to simultaneously bewitch and gratify our senses.

The perfume of angel's trumpet that lingers for only a moment before the breeze carries it away, has greater power to captivate our memory, and hold us hostage... to the idea, the potential, that which we held for only a moment and then somehow lost.

A bacio.

The fleeting beauty of something irreparable, irreplaceable, unique in its occurrence and its rapture.

A bacio.

Like a kiss.

A one-off. The mold has never existed. No matter how you try you can never exactly replicate the experience. (Thank goodness!)

As soon as it exists, it is already gone.

So authentically and purely beautiful that it is beyond description. Words do not suffice.

A bacio!

I will spend my life stringing these moments together. Creating a web of beauty beyond the measure of time, beyond the description of words.

I know with each moment I am getting closer to the one who recognizes this beauty, who surrenders willingly, who offer generously and who will share this journey alongside me.

MOMENTS

2010-04-10T22:59:00.000-07:00

"The butterfly counts not months but moments"
Rabindranath Tagore

The events of this week have successfully reminded me of my priorities and my ability to remain present.

Each moment, each life, each instant...

I feel constantly challenged to both recognize and release the fleeting glimpse of heaven in encapsulated in each moment. Wrapped generously in distractions, hidden within each moment is a piece of heaven. If only we can stay right there with it long enough to experience it....

And then, just as suddenly, unexpectedly, willingly let go and move into the next moment.

Holding on doesn't bring me closer to what I want. I find myself constantly learning to live with my palm stretched wide open, heart vulnerable.

I am truly grateful for another day with Willa.

I feel truly blessed to have experienced a truly joyful, vulnerable, heartfelt closeness, tenderness, transitory bliss...

I ask for nothing more but to feel this and live this.

Ciao bella!

SIDE KICKS

2010-04-03T00:46:00.000-07:00

I am missing one.

I seem to be surrounded by heroes and heroines who were accompanied by their loyal and fearless side kicks.

An audience present and accounted for.

I just finished watching Julie & Julia. It could be an inspiring, promising tale - writer overcomes hurdles, succeeds at cooking her way through Child's cookbook acquiring skills, fans, fame and success along the way...

As the movie poignantly notes..."Julia Child wasn't always Julia Child."

This is true. The movie documents the sometimes achingly slow process of Julia becoming Julia Child and Julie growing into her self and and back into a writer. But in the movie, Julie and Julia always have a side kick, a partner, accompaniment.

A somewhat captive audience for whom the story unfolds.

The way I understand the story, Julia Child didn't actually marry until she was forty. I want to know more about the time before her husband. But the story of Julia becoming the Julia Child begins AFTER she has already found her trusty side kick.

In order for the the story to begin, does our hero or heroine need a partner, an audience per se, to witness the account? What would have become of Julia without her husband? And of Julie? She stopped cooking the one night he left her....

Do I need a side kick for my story to even begin?

Julie and Julia shared not only a hearty passion for all things culinary. Both faced their share of:
Meltdowns.
Mockery.
Stumbling blocks.
Delay.
Rejection.
Fear.
Doubt.

In the company of these obstacles each found their trusty side kick standing by, waiting with encouragement, gentle, persuasive nudges, "saintly" acts and/or delightfully distracting kisses.

Granted, sometimes the side kick also offers honesty, distraction or otherwise unhelpful "assistance."

What happens when the dream and the happiness exist but in the absence of someone else as witness? Has the story not yet truly begun? If a tree falls in an empty forest, does it make a sound to be heard? Am I making an audible sound? I am no longer certain if I'm even making sense!

What is the purpose of a side kick? A side kick would hold me accountable. No flaking, procrastinating or otherwise postponing my dreams. A side kick would loyally defend me against my critics. My side kick would sit beside me when a meltdown overcomes me. A side kick would inspire me to become the best version of myself.

I am eagerly awaiting my side kick - trustworthy, honest-to-a-fault, stubbornly independent at times, consistently loving, playful, respectful, loyal and encouraging, compassionate, creative. No need to kill lobsters, although it might some day come in handy. Must have a sense of personal style, an appreciation for design, art and all things refined, enjoy doing handstands in the park, dancing in the kitchen, reading, holding hands, taking long walks and generally soaking up each other's company.

In the meantime, I am savouring all that I enjoy and at some point must share. I can be grateful. I have it all to myself. If only my perception about solitude was synonymous with that of enjoying a favorite dessert all to myself. An entire chocolate mousse of my very own! But to me is it ever quite as sweet as when I am able to dialogue and discourse about the texture, the taste, the smell, the airy lightness, the rich, smooth delight in each bite?

I would prefer to share the experiences - food and life seamlessly intertwined with another, like-minded person. Perhaps, for now, my readers will become my audience. My place-holding side kick. As my story is unfolding already. I refuse to wait any longer. I am eager to create my dream and write my story starting now.

Will you accompany me for the journey? I promise to fill the time with honesty and delightful discomfort.

ILLUMINATED

2010-04-01T22:36:00.000-07:00

I have re-read only a few books in my lifetime. There are those that somehow I return to with eagerness. The Alchemist, A Room With a View, To Kill A Mockingbird, Pride and Prejudice, My Antonia, Heart of Darkness...these are a few that I find change me even in the very moment when I read them.

Simultaneously timeless yet achingly appropriate and timely.

"He cried in a whisper at some image, at some vision—he cried out twice, a cry that was no more than a breath—'The horror! The horror!'"
(Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness)

Today I revisited these words. Over the last months I have taken a flashlight to the way in which I live my life and make my choices. I recall feeling agitated by my fear, my worry over decisions and reactions. In this moment these words struck me with such tremendous force. The real fear is that in the end I might look back and think what if, if I had only...

The dreadful sadness that is witness to an opportunity or event that is inexorably out of reach.

I prefer to flay myself open. Arms wide I accept with raw vulnerability the blessings and suffering rendered of my own choices.

I recognize now that when I fail it is because in that moment I have risked all that mattered.

When I laugh joyously, raucously, ungracefully cartwheeling through the park in my bare feet it is with the feeling of wind in my hair, the contrasting rush of earthy, damp padded prickly perfumed grass against my skin. The authentic, spontaneous pleasure stirs an unbridled, contagious laugh from deep within me. I am here. I am alive.

Do I regret the grass stains, the tousled hair or flushed complexion? Absolutely not! At times the judgement surfaces...but this I know: we each do the best we can with what we have in each moment. And I will continue to expose myself with such seemingly impetuous abandon.

Not because I don't care.
Not because I am careless.

Because I cannot imagine harboring that possibility within me and not releasing it. I cannot imagine spending my days pondering the what ifs of my life.

I prefer to live them thoroughly, roughly, truly, in the raw, unedited draft that is each glorious day. The revisions, the clarity, the well-planned all have their time and place.

I willingly subject myself to the extraordinary possibility in each moment. I will advocate hope endlessly. Not because I do not feel its lack and opposite but because I prefer to spend my days in the light radiated by its presence rather than the shadow of its absence.

These choices render me greatly vulnerable. I imagine the joy, the joy of knowing that I risked, I loved, I experienced...with a smile on my face I pushed my entire pile of chips to the center of the table and said in this moment I release fear and I believe in the absolute value of exactly what I am doing.

Good things come to those who.......allow for good things?.....stay present and feel gratitude?......let go of knowing and truly feel?

What do any of us really know?

When was the last time you read something that changed you even in the very moment that you read it?

When was the last time you put everything into exactly what you were doing? What was it?!

HUNGER

2010-04-01T07:51:00.000-07:00

"The one I feed."

I am learning to feed myself.

There is a Native American parable about a grandfather who says, I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart.

One wolf is the voracious, vengeful, angry one.

The other wolf is the loving, compassionate one.”

When asked which wolf will win the fight in his heart, the old man replies, “The one I feed.”

Hunger pains.

How do we learn to “feed” the aspects of ourselves that heal us, that grow us, that help us to thrive?

I feel the wolves have an insatiable appetite!

I have been experimenting with thinking less, quieting my internal dialogue. Creating my artwork, walking and meditating are feeding this hunger to stay present. I feel as though it's a precarious walk along a very fine tight rope!

Which wolf are your feeding today?

What does your unger look, feel and sound like?

CHANGE OF SCENE

2010-03-01T18:19:00.000-08:00

I've been wanting to share these....a few photos of a place sacred to me. I visited last on a wintry day. The scene had changed so dramatically with the seasons. Difficult to imagine the lively, green hillsides dormant beneath these fragile, brittle winter coats.

I climbed to the top of these hillsides again. Perching myself as close to the vast blue heavens as my feet would carry me. I sat still, eyes closed and felt the shiver of wind, the prickle of dry grass with nothing but the blissful, silence cloaked around me...

SERENDIPITY

2010-03-01T17:53:00.000-08:00

When is serendipity a joyful coincidence and when is it a timely test from the universe?

“Serendipity is the wisdom of recognizing and then moving with the energetic flow of the unexpected. It has a crablike quality, an ability to accumulate understanding and create progress by moving sideways rather than in a linear fashion. Serendipity pushes us to think about attitude and humility, the nature of developing theories of social change . . ."

The Moral Imagination: The art and soul of building peace (2005) by John Paul Lederach

I learned a new term in my research: zemblanity. As the opposite of serendipity, zemblanity is the habit of making unhappy, unlucky and expected discoveries by design.

I am an optimist by nature. I hold hope alive within me.

I accepted this serendipitous event with grace, love, forgiveness and open arms. Now I accept all of this grace, love and forgiveness into my own life with open arms. I gratefully accept what I myself have offered freely and openly to others.

I patiently await your sign.

My life is better with you in it....

THESE SIMPLE WORDS

2010-02-25T16:16:00.000-08:00

By the power and the truth of this practice,
may all beings have happiness,
and the causes of happiness.
May all be free from sorrow,
and the causes of sorrow.
May all never be separated from
sacred happiness which is sorrowless.
And may all live in equanimity,
without too much attachment
and too much aversion,
And live believing in the
equality of all that lives.
May all beings be filled with joy and peace.
May all beings everywhere,
The strong and the weak,
The great and the small,
The mean and the powerful,
The short and the long,
the subtle and the gross:
May all beings everywhere,
Seen and unseen,
Dwelling far off or nearby,
Being or waiting to become:
May all be filled with lasting joy.
Let no one deceive another,
Let no one anywhere despise another,
Let no one out of anger or resentment.
Wish suffering on anyone at all.
Just as a mother with her own life
Protects her child, her only child, from harm,
So within yourself let grow
A boundless love for all creatures.
Let your love flow outward through the universe,
To its height, its depth, its broad extent,
A limitless love, without hatred or enmity.
Then as you stand or walk,
Sit or lie down,
As long as you are awake,
Strive for this with a one-pointed mind;
Your life will bring heaven to earth.

(Sogyal Rinpoche, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying)

Today I wrote a letter.

Perhaps not sounding quite like the Herculean task that it was for me. Nonetheless, I am pleased.

I have released so much of what I was resisting and struggling to hold onto out into the world and onto the page and that is serving me.

These simple words have set me free.

I am present. I recognize that the next moment will bring change. Tomorrow I will face challenges and fears and setbacks. And yet, in this moment I am embracing this success! I am celebrating who I am becoming. I accept that this becoming is coming and will continue to come. I am changed.

Most importantly I have realized this: We each have a lifetime to fill with feelings, thoughts, mistakes, choices. These are all valid within the context of our own individual lives. I am allowed to make my own choices within the context of my own day, my own life. My choice is no less or no more right than yours.

I choose love!

What do you choose? Will you share?

SUPER POWERS

2010-02-23T20:13:00.000-08:00

I 'm yearning for super powers. I've been pondering what I'd want....
invisibility
eternal life
incredible speed
the ability to breath under water
an invisible jet like Wonder Woman's...

My ideas of power and superlatives have changed dramatically since I was a kid. Back then, I always wanted to be a wonder twin. I wanted that connection and power that came from two people coming together with a common goal or purpose. O.k. I'll admit to still wanting that part.

Lately, however, I'd prefer a deep well of patience and the vast strength that comes with willingly accepting the unknown.

I'm going to experiment here tonight. I'm writing these words down and setting them free. Free to grant me the super powers I need.

I choose to willingly accept the patience I need in this moment.

I gratefully accept that I am in a state of unknowing and the glorious power that comes with surrendering to this. My opportunities are limitless.

I gratefully accept that everything is working out even better than I ever could have imagined or know.

May the same be true for you.

TAKE ACTION

2010-02-20T16:32:00.000-08:00

"If I Had Only...

forgotten future greatness

and looked at the green things and the buildings

and reached out to those around me

and smelled the air

and ignored the forms and the self-styled obligations

and heard the rain on the roof

and put my arms around my wife

...and it's not too late"

Hugh Prather, Notes to Myself

The first words of this piece are filled with such a pervasive sense of regret. Mired in the regret it feels as though hope is lost. If only different choices had been made, time spent differently. Self-constructed obstacles prevented this. It feels as though the time has passed. There is a finality to these words.

And yet...I love the feeling of of renewed hope that arrives so unexpectedly at the end.

Let go of the regret, the past is gone. But each moment is another chance. It is not too late! The message is urgent and grave and raucous. Shake yourself awake for the time is NOW!

This is the year of the Tiger...a year full of radical change and opportunity. According to the Chinese calendar this year began on February 14th, 2010. So here in case you needed a second chance at a fresh start to the New year - you've got it!

I embrace this change! I am committed to creating the life I truly want - a extraordinary life I will enjoy along the way and will look back upon with joy, awe and a sense of wonder.

How do you plan to live the next year? Will you look back at 2010 and think "If I Had Only..."

ACCEPTANCE

2010-02-19T15:42:00.000-08:00

You can never truly get what you want from another. Whatever that is it must arise from within yourself.

Acceptance is a state, a place where we come to after a long, strenuous journey. A place that we arrive into the moment that we surrender.

We create the need to do. Is it possible for us to arrive at surrender without doing? Perhaps. In resisting we create the tension, the opposite of the state we desire. In letting go of our resistance we allow room for acceptance. As though the heat and pressure of our combined resistance culminates in the act of letting go and creates a tiny crack deep within us. Here in the crack, in what we might view outwardly as imperfection or flaw or mistake, we have created a space and opportunity in which acceptance can grow and even thrive.

After a time, who can tell exactly how long or short, we regain our strength and rebuild our trust. Buoyed by a new sense of empowerment and gratitude.

This is the place where we might find within ourselves exactly what we have always been searching for....

I accept the situations and the people in my life for exactly who and what they are. I can only create change in myself and my own responses. I am personally committed to this change.

This is the year of the Tiger! I am taking decisive action to create the life and support system I have always dreamed of. I am a very different person today than I was a year ago, a week ago or even yesterday. I take 100% personal responsibility for myself. I look forward to abundant gratitude, love and trust!

May you find along your journey exactly what you are looking for:)

URGENCY

2010-02-18T17:33:00.000-08:00

"Never again clutter your days or nights with so many menial and unimportant things that you have no time to accept a real challenge when it comes along. This applies to play as well as work. A day merely survived is no cause for celebration. You are not here to fritter away your precious hours when you have the ability to accomplish so much by making a slight change in your routine. No more busy work. No more hiding from success. Leave time, leave space, to grow. Now. Now! Not tomorrow!"

Og Mandino

I love the sense of urgency that seeps out of these words.

NOW! It's a powerful concept.

What are you putting off right now? WHY!? What clutter is preventing each of us from...

whatever might be....

SCENTS

2010-02-18T09:04:00.001-08:00

I always marvel at the power of my sense of smell to stir up memories from the past. One spell-binding whiff transports me back to a time, a place, the company of someone long-lost from my daily life...here are a few that continue to amaze me and to capture me with their nostalgia-inducing strength.

THE SMELL THE MEMORY
garden-picked roses.... holiday breakfasts on my grandmother and grandfather's back patio
and coffee cans filled with roses from my grandfather's garden

warm pine needles.... afternoons exploring at Devil's Head
Cutter's bug repellent.... lazy days fly fishing
Dove soap.... long, hot showers
3M Spray 77.... all-nighters in college and then in consulting
fresh-cut grass.... Saturday afternoons at home with my Dad mowing the lawn
barbecue sauce.... Gator McGoon's and McArthur Park
Zebra Stripe Gum.... Middle School camping trips
damp sleeping bag.... camping and kayaking in the San Juan Islands
jasmine.... late evenings walking to my car leaving work
wet river stones.... weekend hiking and camping trips in Oregon, riverside bathing
onions and parsley.... Mom's spaghetti sauce, Thanksgiving in Palo Alto
eucalyptus.... lacrosse practice freshman year in college
stale beer.... The Taxi house on a Sunday morning
pine sol, saltwater and sand.... The SeaLodge elevator on the first day of check in
frying oil.... snack bar at Cherry Hills on a sunny summer day
Angel's Trumpet.... Carmel and Botanical Building in Balboa Park
Anise.... Cliff walk in August
Wine and French Fries.... Cafe Chloe
Espresso Gelato.... Looking out over Little Italy at sunset
Homemade Guacamole.... a summer spent eating salty avocados and kissing
Warm pine bark.... soft, cuddly Linus
sweat, cement, metal, sand.... SEAL beach and gym
rain on hot asphalt.... sudden summer thunderstorms in Colorado
whipped creamed and chocolate sauce.... Farrell's birthday parties
refried beans.... Casa Bonita waterfalls and fire jugglers
hard candy and Laffy taffy.... Rainbow collectibles in Keystone
cold ice, metal and sound of skates.... frozen nose hairs ice skating on the lake and high school hockey games

These sensations are sometimes such a rush - a rowdy collage of scents, sights, sounds. I find them difficult to explain or describe. Perhaps I'll try to paint them.

Just curious....What do you remember?

SLEEP

2010-02-12T18:39:00.000-08:00

Drift away
for when I wake
the dream begins.

Fingers recall the fragile hour
longing touch
knowing glance.

Drift away
for when I wake
lips recall kisses
they no longer taste
caresses that linger
as memories fade
breathless whispers
soft as butterfly kisses.

Wake me not
remains what senseless is
falling peace
sleeps beside me.

Dullness aches with eager regularity
expectant pangs
restless breath
shadow of warmth
inhale
bury myself beneath the cover of
smoldering hollow

wake into the dream
tickling familiarity
drifts away...

as did you.

EFFERVESCENCE

2010-02-10T20:40:00.000-08:00

Let loose
Hinder not
that which deep within you
yearns to
bubble to the surface.
Sense nearness
aware the edge
releasing
Pop!

COURAGE

2010-01-31T19:15:00.000-08:00

I believe that it is true, what they say, that courage is a quality of the heart. Courage is knowing with my heart rather than my mind. An intimate sense that constructs my internal compass. Courage guides me even when fear feels like a familiar companion. My fears still exist within me. And yet courage fortifies me to persevere despite them.

This evening my hearts bounces between exhilaration and terror. Each of us fears their very own unique blend of circumstances, outcomes or events. Tomorrow I hang my artwork at a busy local venue. I am afraid. Afraid of criticism. Afraid that I might accidentally hang a piece crooked or off-center. Afraid that someone might say "I can do that" or "I can do better than that."

I accept the courage to follow-through and even enjoy this experience.

When was the last-time you had to exercise courage?

AFFECT CHANGE

2010-01-26T20:11:00.000-08:00

With each breath and every heartbeat our body affirms our ability to simply BE. And yet we still attempt to affect change and do.

What would our lives look like if instead of the forced, affected and active we chose to allow, accept and empower our own intrinsic abilities to surface. No more trying, pushing or persuading. Our breaths flows without any help from us. Our heart continues to beat without any assistance or thought from us...

Is it possible to let go to this degree?

What do you think?

TENDER

2010-01-06T17:36:00.000-08:00

a tender breath
drawn slowly
stifles silence
lending fragile strength
to hollowness within
solitude surrenders
to gentle rush of air
forcing life
tenderness prevails.

INSPIRED AND HUMBLED

2009-11-08T20:15:00.000-08:00

"The dew seemed to sparkle more brightly on the green leaves; the air to rustle among them with a sweeter music; and the sky itself to look more blue and bright. Such is the influence which the condition of our own thoughts, exercise, even over the appearance of external objects."

Charles Dickens, Oliver Twist

What an incredible day! Crisp autumn sunshine. Change is upon us. The ending of the show is, as anticipated, bittersweet.

However I am feeling tremendously uplifted this evening. Grateful to have been introduced to such an incredibly inspiring community of artists, parents and children. Celebrating with cast and crew at the Strike Dinner for Junior Theatre's Oliver! has left an indelible mark on our family. Fagin's speech as he received the cast's Rose award for most inspiring member captured the essence of the evening. With a genuine smile and in a gentle voice he replied that he too felt truly inspired by everyone there. Such grace and modesty...Stories of the boy cast as Oliver who had felt too shy to audition for other shows and had crewed instead. Only to be cast as Oliver on his second show. These kids have been blessed to discover what truly resonates within them, a talent and community that support thems and makes them hum... and in some cases, sing!

What an amazing, uplifting evening!

I felt buoyed by the sheer talent of the cast, mingled with a sense of awe at their camaraderie, modesty and genuine sincerity. I am inspired and reassured by these young men and women who will become our future leaders. I am grateful to have been a part of such a wonderful, welcoming community.

Inspired and humbled.

What might my life look like if I dared to openly take the risks these kids have taken? If I dared to go after even the long shots, mingle with those who might seem above and beyond my own place or status, sing out loud with passion in in public instead of behind closed doors? And offer thanks and gratitude and humility lavishly? What might happen?

"Joy and grief were mingled in the cup; but there were no bitter tears: for even grief itself arose so softened, and clothed in such sweet and tender recollections, that it became a solemn pleasure, and lost all character of pain."

Charles Dickens, Oliver Twist

THANKFUL FOR NOVEMBER

2009-11-02T23:14:00.000-08:00

"Happiness is not having what you want, but WANTING what you have."

Rabbi Hyman Schachtel

November has arrived! In many American households this is the time to begin crafting the Christmas List. Clearly identifying what we DON'T have, but want. Instead in our family the arrival of November means that we spend a bit of extra time taking notice of what we DO have.

We began our Gratitude Bowl tradition a few years ago. Unlike so many other traditions that have come and gone, this one stuck. It's something we all look forward to. An excuse to slow down each day and to take note of all that we have. And then a chance to share these thankful thoughts with those we love.

I think you might enjoy this little experiment as well...Here's how it works.

We leave a dish with a stack of scrap paper, a pencil and if you'd like, a sign reminding you and informing any guests of the tradition. "Gratitude Bowl - what can you be thankful for?"

Throughout the day, any time I notice the dish and at meals, I stop to write down something or someone I am grateful for. At first, in the early days of November, I feel rusty and out of practice. In fact there are sometimes even days when it feels that my items to be grateful for are rather generic!

At other times, especially later in the month, I find myself joyously tossing multiple notes into the dish. Perhaps in recognition of something that just happened. Gratitude begins to flow the more I recognize and acknowledge it.

I enjoy watching my daughter thoughtfully write out her own notes and sometimes stealthily tuck one into the dish during the day. I feel so blessed to be encouraging this flow of abundant outlook. We are so often focused on what we lack, whatever is missing or absent. This is an opportunity to create a mosaic of grateful thoughts over days, a month of blessings and heartwarming reminders. Gratitude nurtures that part of us that knows we are all connected, whole, enough.

On Thanksgiving Day everyone who joins us is invited to participate in contributing to the Gratitude Bowl. Throughout our meal we pull papers from the dish and read aloud the notes that have captured our gratitude throughout the month.

Everyone leaves with a feeling of deep appreciation. Touched by the sharing of good things, happy thoughts, thoughtful deeds, and the abundance that graces our lives. The residue of gratitude lasts far beyond the end of the month.

I invite you to experiment. Let me know how it goes. Create your own variation on this theme and I hope you'll share your stories and perhaps a few of your favorite grateful notes here.

Today I am truly grateful for this tradition and for the opportunity to share how blessedly abundant our lives truly are. I am grateful for the love and support that I feel in my life. I am grateful for this delicious fresh-from-the-farmer's market salad! I am grateful for unexpected emails from loved ones far across the world. I am grateful for crisp autumn days. I am grateful to know that I am missed. I am grateful for clean, pressed sheets on my well-made bed. I am grateful to be tucking in early with a good book. Today, my bowl is overflowing with gratitude.

I wish you each joy, gratitude and contentment.

BURNING YES

2009-10-28T17:05:00.000-07:00

"It is not until you have a burning YES inside of you about what is truly important that you can

pleasantly,

smilingly,

cheerfully,

say NO to all of that which is urgent, but not truly important.

Our deepest guilt comes from doing the opposite, implicitly saying no to the truly important and yes, yes, yes to the urgent that is NOT important. The more we are free from non-necessities, the more we are free to do the more meaningful actions of our lives."

Stephen Covey, Everyday Greatness

This message is resonating with me today. Just the other day I was approached by a parent who in the simple process of listing her daily activities unwittingly set off a chorus of internal voices within me.

This woman's resume of career achievements and volunteering prowess in combination with her children's extracurricular activities left my head spinning. A tiny, little competitive urge within me began to say..."you could do that too...you should be doing that too..."

But this time that little voice quickly went away. In its place came a strong, resounding, almost booming "that is not how I thrive."

Probably for the first time in my life I left that conversation with a feeling of satisfaction and confidence. It is true that I could do more. I could sign up for and volunteer for more. The change for me has been realizing the cost of such seemingly small decisions.

I enjoy spearheading, conquering, coordinating and rallying. I am learning how to enjoy the satisfaction that comes along with knowing that I have enough and do enough. The pleasure of allowing someone else the opportunity to sign up and be in charge. Feeling the spirit of being a member of the team but not the captain or the one in charge. I have let go of needing to do and be all of this and that.

A few months ago I sat down and wrote out a list of the priorities in my life. The people and activities that I want to give my best to. These drive my choices and have become my short list of Burning YESes. I look forward to reviewing my list, revising and adjusting. These too may shift and change with time.

An unexpected clarity comes with knowing where my heart, intention and focus lie. A blissful reward for the burden that at times arrives with saying no.

No.

Even when I feel the passion, enjoy the activity or agree with the cause.

No. Not now.

Even when I feel a certain sense of urgency to complete, answer, respond or react immediately.

No.

Because while I come from a place of abundance and limitless possibility I believe that I THRIVE when I am able to focus my attention and my energy on my Burning Yeses. I thrive within my very own graceful pace. And my pace and my list may look completely different from yours or anyone else's. And that's enough.

One word can change everything. Now when I meet someone who has signed up for everything and wants to convince me to sign up too, I don't feel pressured. When I listen to the laundry list of activities, boards, organizations and committees that a colleague or friend is a part of I no longer feel like an unnecessary eagerness to compete. For the first time in a long time I feel confident and reassured.

I am thriving. We are thriving. I am grateful. That is more than enough.

Namaste. I bow to the light in each of us. I recognize the gift that is each choice that we make. Each choice that allows us an opportunity to thrive in the true knowledge of our own path. A path that serves us and allows us to thrive.

What helps you to thrive?

INHALE

2009-10-22T16:40:00.000-07:00

Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.

Simple enough.

How we breath is how we live.

The coordinated functioning of our nervous and respiratory systems. Prompted by our environment, our mood, our reactions...this subtle, at times subconscious, act directly influences our energy.

Our shallow, irregular breaths lack the capacity to adequately fuel our organs. Running on fumes blood flow to our organs decreases, compromising digestion and concentration and increasing anxiety levels.

Breath mirrors our response. Stop. Notice. When we gain awareness our breath becomes an instructional tool for living.

When we learn to breath mindfully, deep, intoxicating, delicious inhales and exhales, we suddenly have the power and prana (energy) to live and experience fully.

Today I am enjoying the feeling of my breath when I laugh. The slow, satisfaction as my belly expands with vital air on the inhale. The cathartic wringing of a thorough exhale.

Describe your breath in this moment. Are these words you want to describe your life?

ANONYMOUS

2009-10-20T00:29:00.000-07:00

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." --Dr. Seuss

My daughter's class recently held their presidential elections. This could easily have become just another popularity contest. But my daughter's teacher had what I consider to be a stroke of genius...

Each interested candidate wrote their "speech" out on a piece of paper. The teacher then read each aloud to the class. Anonymously. The children put their heads down and listened to the words, the ideas. Rather than projecting an image of the president onto a fellow classmate or drawing conclusions based upon looks, past experiences or preconceived assumptions. How liberating to be free of all of the clutter associated with appearances and labels and identities! Just to listen to the words in that very moment. And for the candidates to be free to speak them - without the tethers of party, class, gender or color.

My daughter wrote from the heart. Her authenticity rang clear in her words. Even when someone else spoke them.

What might happen if we conducted all of our elections in such a way? Who might have been elected? Who might not have been?

Definitely makes me rather curious! What do you think?

Hint: We would definitely have had a female president by now!

SECOND TRY

2009-10-15T21:15:00.000-07:00

Eat, Pray, Love...Leave?

I picked up this book the first time almost a year ago. Quite frankly I didn't make it past Italy...

everyone raved about it. Perhaps my expectations were simply too high?

Am I missing something?

I felt horribly frustrated by the main character. Alright, she wasn't feeling satisfied or fulfilled in her life. But I felt that she was terribly selfish!

Fecklessly fleeing her marriage, her responsibilities...I'm somehow always reminded of the person left behind holding everything together. Call it empathy. Call it pity. Call it jealousy?

Once again I'm certain this reflects more on my own personality. She does get to leave all responsibility behind and tour around the globe staying in lovely places without a care except where to fetch her next espresso, pastry or pizza.

Don't get me wrong. I believe in dharma, true happiness and recreational travel. I also happen to believe in commitment, responsibility and discipline. There is effort involved in reaching a point of effortlessness. Right?

So I'm giving the book a second try. I don't want to give up prematurely. After all everyone else LOVED it! Especially India which I haven't yet arrived at. Am I just a horrible scrooge for not adoring this book?!

Did Eat, Pray, Love resonate with you? Am I a completely insensitive idiot for not getting it?

Have you ever encountered a book that everyone else adored that just didn't feel right to you?

REFLECTIONS

2009-10-14T15:43:00.000-07:00

"As the book finishes I go as slow as I can. I don't want to leave this book's world." ~Jill Robinson

Delicious reads...

I have recently had a few. And then I've also encountered books that, dare I admit, I've put down or simply left unfinished. Perhaps someday I'll pick them up again. When the time is right.

One recent favorite is a work translated from Spanish. I can only imagine the rich, poetic language of the original layered upon the story. The Shadow of the Wind, by Carlos Ruiz Zafon, reminds us that each piece we read has a distinct way of finding us precisely when we need it most.

"The art of reading is slowly dying...it's an intimate ritual...a book is a mirror that offers us only what we carry inside us, that when we read, we do it with all our heart and mind, and great readers are becoming more scarce by the day."

The words we read are perceived through our own unique filter, adding our own spin to the story and reflecting the contours of our heart.

What was the last book you read that awakened these feelings in you? What did the mirror reflect? Did you like what you saw?

SWEET OR SOUR

2009-10-07T21:27:00.000-07:00

My daughter introduced me to a new game yesterday. Are you ready to play?

Next time you're out and about, anywhere, greet everyone you pass. If they respond in a pleasant, kind or generally positive way, they're "sweet." If they ignore you, seem grumpy or annoyed by your disturbance, they're "sour."

Are you surprised by the response?

Now flip the mirror on yourself. Do you tend to be sweet or sour?

Doesn't it feel great when some one's sweet?!...

*Side notes:

This is NOT about judging others or their reactions. Rather about reflecting on our own tendencies.

Actual game was played by giggling, giddy school age children dangling out backseat windows while driving through their neighborhood. Perhaps we passed you.

BEING KINDNESS

2009-10-07T14:28:00.000-07:00

"Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end." - Scott Adams

A dear friend posted this quote on her blog, Life Without Novacaine, recently. http://lifewithoutnovacaine.blogspot.com/2009/10/acts-of-kindness-random-i-think-not.html

Wow it has returned to me over and over again during the last few days. Haunting, in a positive way!

Sometimes in our busy-ness it takes the large acts to really get our attention. The little subtle details of our ordinary interactions, especially with those in our close inner circle, often get missed. But what about each of the little, subtle kindnesses that we extend to one another over a given day?

Slow down.

Scale back.

Create a cushion of space around us.

All of these encourage gratitude to blossom and nurture us and others to continue to let the kindness flow. No matter how small the trickle. These are the ways in which we begin to NOTICE kindness in its many forms.

Kindness breeds kindness, certainly. Showing our gratitude is the water that nourishes kindness.

Sometimes the act of kindness is in the BEING and not in the DOING.

Consistently offering yourself, simply with connection, love, understanding, reaching out on a regular basis or giving a hug. BEING consistently present for those we love and care about means creating a relationship that is based on our simple EVERYDAY presence. Not waiting until the birthdays, holidays, life's big events or when we need something to make ourselves known as friends. This can be a challenge in our filled-to-the-brim lifestyles!

Have you ever had an initial urge to help, reach out to someone, offer a hand, kindness in some form...but then something inside convinced you not to?

What was an occasion when a small act of kindness was all it took to make your day?

What are some of the ways we can BE kind to those we value, rather than DO?

JUST RIGHT

2009-10-06T19:52:00.000-07:00

Remember we are each of us exactly where we need to be - complete, whole and enough, just as we are...

This was my daily FaceBook post a few days ago. I received such an overwhelmingly positive response, that I thought it worth revisiting.

How do we value ourselves? In today's culture how do we assess or personal worth?

It really does make such a difference when we slow down long enough to remind ourselves that we are enough, just as we are. Overflowing with divine abundance.

And just as we move with intention and clarity as we practice on our mats we are capable of choosing to move mindfully through our lives grounded in a place of love, faith and limitless abundance!

Each of us IS this!

Each of us deserves to feel safe in this sense of self-worth, no one more than the other for we are all one. All belonging to the greater whole, perfectly who and where we need to be in each moment.

FEARLESS AND SATISFYING

2009-10-05T23:58:00.000-07:00

Imagine what it would feel like to make a commitment to yourself...from this moment on to take only full, deep, satisfying breathes and to approach each moment in the same way with open fearlessness.

What might happen?

WHOLE LIFE

2009-10-02T13:44:00.001-07:00

"Her kiss was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering." -from the History of Love

This resonated with me today. What a delicious image.

When we take inventory it's interesting to learn what's truly precious and important to us.

Who or what in our lives would we invest more time diving into and completely immersing ourselves in?

Are these people and things in your life receiving the best you have to offer?

How would your life look differently if you devoted your WHOLE LIFE to answering these questions? Mmmmm, now those are the rich details that make life worth living!